wow oh wow oh wow. i did not expect to love this as much as i did.

i usually am not the biggest fan of nonfiction, and memoirs especially are a hit or miss for me. but my god was this a hit.

this was such a fascinating read, not only as someone raised secularly, but as someone who isn’t american. to not only read about how far religious bigotry goes, especially when you throw in some good old fashioned mental illness, plus the paranoia was astounding to me. after every few chapters i’d go up to my mum and be like: “that book i’m reading about that woman who lived in idaho? she got her first birth certificate at 9 years old. and she only learnt what the holocaust was in college. and instead of taking her mum to the hospital after a severe car accident they left her at home and she had migraines for months. and multiple times someone was set on fire and they didn’t go to hospital.” 

reading this for me almost felt like a sick perversion, as i grappled with understanding that this is not fiction: this is real, this is how some people live, and this is a true story of a true family. 

there are so many facets of this book that are intriguing: life on the mountain, her father’s beliefs, her mother and her complacency, but the character at the heart of this book (in the worst way) other than tara is shawn. my god. i was horrified reading this. the amount of gaslighting, shoving things under the rug, ignorance. gobsmacking. before this book i thought americans were being a bit dramatic, and highlighting the worst parts of fanatics. reading this truly brought to my attention that no, those videos you see online of republicans spouting vile remarks and being supported by those around them are not far and few in between, and the stories are not dramatised. holy shit.

i get i probably sound a bit naive, but truly i didn’t realise just *how bad* it was. the delusions, the twisting of history to fit a narrative, the cognitive dissonance, the religious bigotry, the violence, the mistrust. just. wow.

truly a remarkable book.